Tuesday, September 8, 2009

不要 怕寶寶 ~ Bù Yào Pà Bǎo Bǎo

O.K. ~ With Rebekah's 1st Gotcha Day Anniversary quickly approaching my mind has been drawn back to that day, that moment we were united with Madeline and Rebekah. When we were in the process of our first adoption I found several children's books about adopting from China, but none that looked at it from through the "child's eyes." So I sat down and thought what it might have been like. Since our first adoption, I have had this deluded idea of writing children's book. As I sat down, back in 2004, and reflected on the day we saw and held Madeline for the first time and what it may have been like for her, this is what came to my mind. Mind y'all, I am not a writer and I have the most difficult time putting the thoughts in my head in words.

不要 怕寶寶 ~ Bù Yào Pà Bǎo Bǎo ~ Don't be Afraid Little One
I can almost remember that day. I was very little and the woman holding me was crying, I don’t know why but she held me close and kissed me softly. She wrapped me up tight in a white blanket.

Her tears fell on my face and she gently wiped them away with a kiss.

We went outside, it was cold. She held me close and whispered to me tenderly as we walked for a long time.

We stopped and she hugged me very tight as she whispered, 我愛你 “wǒ ài nǐ (I love you),” then she kissed my forehead and put me down on the ground in front of a big gate and tucked a red piece of paper inside my blanket. Then she walked away.

The woman’s crying faded. I was alone, I was afraid and began to cry, it was cold and getting dark.

A long time passed. I could hear a woman’s faint cry and wondered if it was the woman who left me there. Suddenly, I was picked up and a voice said whispered in my ear, 不要 怕寶寶,讓我來照顧你 “bù yào pà bǎo bǎo, ràng wǒ lái zhào gū nǐ...(Don’t be afraid little one, I will take care of you).”

Her arms were warm and I stopped crying. She took me past the big gate into a room where it was warm.

She fed me, changed my clothes and laid me in a warm bed. There were several other babies in beds around me and some of them were crying.

I feel asleep and dreamt of the first woman. I wondered why she was crying and if she were alright, I wondered if I would ever see her again.

I stayed at the house behind the big gate for a long time. They called me Du Ye.

The people who cared for me would tell me of a mommy and daddy who would come for me one day and love me very much. They said they would come from a far off place to take me home.

Early one morning I was wakened abruptly, bathed, and put in new clothes. The women who cared for me told my mommy and daddy were here for me and I would have to leave. I did not want to go, I was scared. They put me in a bus and we drove for a very long time.

When we stopped, I was taken into a large room with many other babies waiting for their mommy’s and daddy’s, we were all crying.

I was sitting in a chair by myself crying when this man and woman began looking and pointing at me. Who were they? Why were they looking at me? Then the woman called my name. “Du Ye,” she said, I looked at her but did not know her.

They did not look like any of the people who had ever cared for me. They were crying but smiling at the same time.

It wasn’t long before I was picked up and given to that woman, I was told she was my mommy, and the man standing behind her must be my daddy. They were both crying. I was crying because I was afraid, but I wondered why they were they crying, they did not look afraid?

I did not want to go with them. Then the woman whispered in my ear, 我愛你,不要 怕寶寶,讓我來照顧你 “wǒ ài nǐ,”bù yào pà, bǎo bǎo ràng wǒ lái zhào gū nǐ...(I love you, Don’t be afraid little one, I will take care of you).” She wiped my tears away with a gentle kiss.

My mommy held me for a long time then handed me to my daddy, he kissed me and held me tight. I felt safe.
Madeline's first day of 1st did not start off as we had planned. I did not sleep and Kelly had to get up at 4:15a to catch a flight to Lubbock. When Kelly was leaving he slipped in to kiss Madeline goodbye, as he usually does on these early mornings, and she woke up. Thinking it was time to get up she ran into our room crying becasue daddy was leaving. When I finally got her settled back in bed it was almost 5 o'clock. YOI!!! 6:30 came quickly, and after getting to sleep around 5am I was really dragging my knuckles. Madeline woke up crying, fussy, and in a very disagreeable mood to say the least. It wasn't like she was really getting up any earlier than usual just that she had to get ready for something she had been eagerly waiting for. After about 20 minutes of crying fits she had worked it all out and was good to go. We got to school and she was a big little girl carrying her backpack and lunch.