Words do not come easily to me and I am not the most eloquent writer either but I want to tell you how sad I am for the loss of your mother. But what an amazing blessing you and your family had to usher your mom into the presence of God. I know from the loss of my mother 6 years ago what a privilege and blessing it was to be with her, singing to her, reading to her, & telling her it was time to go be with Jesus. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do so far in my life but as I look back on it and the tears come they only last for a short time as they turn into JOY. They turn into joy because my mother is where she was meant to be all along. She is perfect and new and for that I cannot be sad too long. The song, “This is My Destiny” by Dennis Jernigan always comes to mind when I think about my mother's death. In it, it says
"What once bound me is not more! What was stolen is restored! By the resurrection power of my King! What was old has been made new; Lies and doubts replaced by truth! What was silent now resounds, I AM REDEEMED!"Candace, the disease that bound your mom all these years is gone, she is free from it and the abilities of hers that were stolen by this disease have been restored. She is a new creation now! And if she was unable to talk when she died she is now shouting, "I am redeemed!!" When my mother died she was not able to do the most basic things, she could not walk, sit up, or talk. But the moment her life ended here on earth she was free of everything that bound her. She could walk, run, & dance. She could talk & sing! All the doubts she had, questions, every lie that was ever told to her by satan were gone, her eyes were open to see the truth. For that I am joyful.
Missing your mom will never go away; it will never become "easier" as time goes on. You will find yourself picking up your phone to call her just to talk or tell her some joyful news in your life then remember and begin to cry. I pray your sadness will only last a short while and be replaced by joy. I pray that God will give you His peace. The peace spoken about in Philippians 4:6 & 7,
"Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."I begged God for this peace the Thanksgiving before my mother died and He gave it to me. I had been lying on my bed crying for hours pleading with God to heal my mom then all of a sudden my prayers changed. I began praying for His peace instead and after some time I believe I was given that peace. It started as a “pin prick” to my heart then spread throughout my whole body. I stopped crying and only said “Okay”. I do not know what I was saying okay to but later I realized, regardless what happened, if God healed my mother or not, I was going to be “okay”. I cannot explain this peace but it has continued with me through my brother and father-in-law’s deaths. I am sad for myself and my girls that they will not get to know their grandmother, uncle, or Yeye. But I am Joyful for them because they are new and perfect and with Jesus Himself.
I pray God will give you and your family this peace. I love you Candace, you are a dear friend to me and a beautiful godly woman. Your mother helped shape you into who you are today and her influence on your life will truly shine through you the rest of your life. If you need anything please let me know.